 he Natural Nature of Feminine and Masculine Energies As archetypal energies the masculine and feminine are found throughout nature—including human nature whether male- or female-bodied. In the Chinese Tao, a word which translates to the “way” or the “path,” these energies—known as yang and yin--are in harmony, circling and interpenetrating one another to create life and wholeness. Yang, which can be seen as corresponding to masculine energy, moves outward as a driving force. It is assertive and penetrating. In the natural generative path or way of life, yang cycles in harmony with yin, or feminine, energy, which moves inward and is receptive, intuitive, reflective, and inclusive. Yin receives and integrates the parts into a cooperative whole (a both/and move), whereas yang discriminates toward differentiation (an either/or move). Linear, goal-oriented yang energies drive development forward, turning the wheel of life through feminine cycles of birth and death. In this way life (including human life) perpetuates, renews itself, and evolves. Both movements expressing and digesting—outward and linear, and inward and cyclical— are needed and carry within them the seed of the other. The Patriarchal Misuse of Yin and Yang: Deprivation of Wholeness and Emotional Castration Cultures inevitably make meaning of and co-op these energies to support construction of their particular social, political, religious/philosophical, and economic values and framework. American patriarchal culture historically has split the masculine as belonging exclusively to men and the feminine to women, also overvaluing and prizing the masculine (and thus men) and undervaluing and demeaning the feminine (and thus women). This either/or split in which you are either a man (and hence masculine) or a woman (and thus feminine) is itself a product of yang or masculine energies excluding the inclusive, both/and yin or feminine orientation. Creating this split enables the enforcement of a patriarchal hierarchy in which men and masculine individualistic, achievement-oriented values dominate women and feminine inclusive, relational-oriented values. In creating this split, patriarchal culture has worked with these energies in such a way as to deprive both male- and female-bodied persons of wholeness. Women are asked to care for and carry the emotional life of others while discouraged from expressing their fierceness lest they be considered a “bitch,” “cold,” or “manly/unfeminine”—but then are demeaned as weak, sappy, over-emotional. Patriarchal norms for and expectations of masculine energy define what it means to be a man (and not a sissy). Men’s identity tends to be formed around expectation that they be tough (not cry or show weakness), be hyper-independent (not need help), and “disregard relationships, orienting toward accomplishments and power.”* Patriarchal culture expects of men anger, competitiveness, self-interest, and lust—empowering them to dominate women and each other, but otherwise emotionally castrates them, cutting them off from engaging with their own sadness, fear, powerlessness, and dependency/relational needs. It is perhaps gaslighting, and certainly a paradoxical trap that a woman who takes charge, is assertive, competitive, or argues for her position vis-à-vis a man (essentially refuses to just let him have his way) can be accused of being a “castrating bitch.” She has asked a man, who has been severed from his ability to tolerate his own weakness, vulnerability, and fears, to let go of being in the dominant position—of his entitlement to having his own way. A position and entitlement that might be seen as what the cultural has promised him as compensation for the loss of his wholeness. In a culturally determined pattern, to survive psychosocially—to have security and belonging—a woman must castrate her own aggressive energies. A Side Note on Aggression Generally, female aggression is seen as bad and male aggression is both tolerated and cultivated (e.g. American football and war). Aggression, though commonly associated with “attack,” derives from the Latin aggredi, which also means "to approach” or “attempt,” with an earlier ancestral meaning of “to walk” or “go.” Aggression can be understood in relationship to regression, a turning back, and digression, moving sideways. As such, aggression is essentially the energy that moves us forward—toward something—and constitutes a spectrum, the extremes of which might be seen as suggestion on one end and violence on the other. Arguably, aggressive (yang) energies are essential for all people, but need to be moderated and mediated by relational, cooperative, reflective, and inclusive yin energies. This asks us to contemplate our need to be both dependent and independent, both other- and self-oriented, and both dominating and yielding not only as crucial to our personal wholeness but also to mutuality and reciprocity in relationships.  Men, Impossible Goals, and Internalized Masculine Failure In its denial of fear, weakness, and vulnerability and its demeaning of the feminine in its relationship to the cyclical nature of life (which accepts the body’s limitations and mortality), the patriarchal (wounded/severed from the feminine) masculine can become too inflexibly fixed on chasing achievement, perfection, and immortality. Whether for the individual these pursuits are a conscious focus, their pressing unconscious presence as driving cultural values is evident and affects us all, regardless of gender. Living in our culture, we internalize the patriarchal masculine value of mind over matter. Whether we are male- or female-bodied, when our identity is dominated by patriarchally conditioned yang energies the need to perfect one’s body and perpetually achieve (be the best, top earner, king of the hill, a perfect mother and professional) defends against the feared and intolerable mess and limitations of being human: weakness, limitation, imperfection, and death. Even dominate psychological theory and Western medicine suggests reflects this individualistic, achievement-oriented, mind-over-matter bias. We should be able to be free of anxiety and sadness, make our bodies conform to Western standards, and be unaffected by what others think of us. We should be able to use our conscious mind to control and change what we don’t like about our bodies, emotions, and behaviors—and if we can’t we should turn to medication. We even tend to believe, as I heard a hospice doctor describe, that there is always something that could have been done to keep our loved one from dying. In a way, I’m suggesting that patriarchy came about as a defense against and attempt to overcome what it means to be human—essentially asking women to carry and care for weakness, fear, powerlessness, dependencies, and relationality while men carry within them the patriarchal burden of masculine failure. This failure is bound into the transgenerational, cultural, and personal shame and trauma in the inability to be perfect, to overcome the limits of achievement, and to defeat death and the inevitability of vulnerability, powerlessness, dependency, and death. Text and collage by Rebecca Livingston Pottenger |